Blondie's

Let me tell you about one of the worst slices of pizza I've ever had.

Not long after landing in San Francisco, I decided to check out my new neighborhood I'd be spending the next five days in, which was in and around Union Square if you're familiar with the city. After wandering around aimlessly for several hours and getting my fill of quaint trolley pictures, I saw Blondie's Pizza across the street.


I knew immediately that this was not the Blondie's- the Blondie's always in contention with its die-hard rival Fat Slice in nearby Berkeley, CA. No, but it was a Blondie's, one of only two locations in existence. Knowing I probably wasn't going to go out of my way to check out what I've heard is a mediocre pizzeria while in Berkeley, I figured I was hungry and I may as well give this place a shot.


BAD IDEA. If the self-proclaimed "HEALTHIEST MEAL IN SAN FRANCISCO" is any inclination, this place is pizza purgatory. Just in case this menu isn't busy and confusing enough for you, here's another!


Sei formaggi (six cheese)? What? Deep dish-style slice? WHAT?! That doesn't even make any sense, my head just exploded. It's as if this place took the best of every part of different regional pizzas, ate it, and then shit it back out onto the most headache-inducing menu ever created. Just to play it "safe," I ordered a plain slice:


"Woof" doesn't do this thing justice. I can tell this is going to be painful just looking at it. The sauce division between the sheet of white cheese and the loaf of bread they deem a crust looks like Freddy Krueger's face.


Good thing it's cooked well underneath, we wouldn't want this slice to lack any support for the pound of sauce and cheese on top. Oh wait-


What the hell is this? If you look closely at me trying to attempt a NY fold, you'll notice that my fingers are actually oozing through the under crust just trying to grasp this thing. This is grotesque. Despite my better efforts, this is what the slice looked before I threw it in the nearest trash can:


Grotie to the MAXX. Granted this isn't the famous Blondie's found on the campus of UC Berkeley, but there is no excuse for this piece of shit. May Gennaro Lombardi have mercy on the souls of anyone diggin' on this slice.